Stuck.

My 17 year old self spent majority of her life sleeping. It wasn’t easy being home-schooled and it was tough to stay disciplined especially when your mother would drag you out of town for business trips.

I never really had a game plan then but life felt a little cyclical. My only ‘adventure’ then was fangirling, tumblr and fanfiction. I felt like the coolest girl ever. It was insane.

Looking back, I don’t regret it. Many people would think it was a total waste of time but for me, it taught me to be curious, to research (Jonas Brothers trivia, anyone?) and to treasure your co-fangirls (my BFFs for life now). Those moments made me feel stuck sometimes (What’s going to happen to me after? Should I keep on doing this til I’m 40?) but it taught me something along the way.

I’ve grown so much (too much, probably) since then but it was huge learning experience.

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There was a time in my life when I felt like my life was going nowhere- I worked non-stop, missed going to mass and missed family gatherings. I was always lethargic, restless and always pushing myself for the wrong reasons. Back then, I thought by the time you hit your 20s, you got a job and is ‘living’ the life you ‘want’, you got your life figured out. I was frustrated because I’m almost nearing the second half of my 20s and I’m still ‘putting the pieces of my life together’

The most difficult part was when I started staying at work for more than 12 hours trying to finish all the work that I could’ve delegated to my colleagues. I would sit on my station and forget about time, forget about the life outside of work. I’d come in super early just to work and extend again just to work some more.

I’m happy that I met some of the best agents that are now my closest friends and they would always approach me and ask me to join them when they eat out and go somewhere. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not friendless nor unfriendly. It’s just that my belief at that time was I’d work hard today so I can ‘chill’ later. There wasn’t really any balance in that and I’d always be tired when I finally have time to go out. By hanging out with them, they’re able to convince me to live my life and stop trying to ‘figure things out’. Life isn’t a puzzle where we all compete who finishes first or finishes at a certain age

By living life, we build the puzzle. We figure it out along the way without us knowing it. It also helped that one of those agents became my bf and he lead me back to God (he brought me to The Feast because he knew I needed a lot of spiritual and emotional healing). Reconnecting with Him and embracing the faith again made me a lot better. I stopped being a slave to my job, I learned to trust and delegate some of the work to my teammates (and they also thanked me for teaching and empowering them), I make time for my family and make the most out of it and whenever I’m feeling down or feeling depressed, I pray more and stay in the company of people that motivate me.

As for blessings, God has been so generous. Apart from getting promoted us an Engagement Leader, I started investing and having businesses. It helped me connect to more people and ensure a better future so I won’t work so hard, so harshly anymore.

This is an unedited interview answer I gave one of my business coaches last June 2016 when she asked me about overcoming quarter life crisis.

The Park.

This is where we built, nurtured and solidified the relationship.

It’s really a wonderful escape whenever we drag each other there just to talk for hours and hours and barely care if we have work that night. Most of the time, we just relax- we listen to what we both have to say and it creates connections.

And this is the very reason why every single day, I’m crazy about you. We never stop building connections to strengthen what we have. We always learn something new.

The park is, without a doubt, the best place for this. We are away from the prying, judgmental eyes and ears of petty people who waste their precious time minding our business. There’s always that sense of security in your broad, manly shoulders whenever we’re at the bench. We don’t mind the laughter of children running around the playground. The faint smell of grass, water, dirt and concrete is a sign we’re not just any where.

I used to go to the park when I’m feeling alone. I tread along the grass to find meaning in my seemingly senseless life back then. I would never look at anyone and fight my system so hard not to cry.

The park is a place I’ll never feel lonely anymore. Whether you’re with me or not, I’ll always feel loved because we made it our happy place, our own little sanctuary.

 

Originally posted on brugudug and bblbbg

Going Places.

My 16 year old self would never agree to an office job. She was dead set on going around the world, other things were never an option.

Some 10 years ago, I was a very active writer and I had this elaborate (read: simple) plan of continuing the rest of my academic years writing my heart out til I go all over the world, still writing for a living. The college courses I applied for had something to do with it one way or another. I didn’t give myself other options. I figured it wasn’t the time to be fickle- no time to waste on things that would just divert my focus.

Life had other plans. The day I figured out I wasn’t going to any of the Literature courses I applied for left me so blank and so shaken. It took me some time before I finally accepted and made the most out of what I had (and what I had was definitely overwhelming- like beyond what I could ever imagine!)

What surprised me the most was the presence of writing opportunities at the most unexpected times. One of the things that brought me back to writing is winning a naming contest. I came up with the concept, the story behind the name and the elements that bring it together.

I cried a little when I saw my work on a company pamphlet. For someone who thought she lost it- I was floored. It’s a validation that the passion, the talent and everything you love about it is still there.

I may be in an office but I’ve had bigger adventures since I got here. It’s not just writing, it’s not just being in our counter, being of service to others but it’s also a journey of discovering more things about myself- that I’m more than what I thought I’d be, that I can’t just rely on one God given talent to make it through this life.

To Be Continued.

Impeach

My 15 year old stupid self can make better decisions than majority of the lawmakers we have here.

How disheartening can this get- that we empower the wrong people and make a fuss about what they do? I’m apathetic because this country has left me hopeless and voiceless. I’m just coasting, to be honest. I pay taxes just because I have to, I obey the law just because I’m scared to be treated poorly by authority. It’s sad. It’s dehumanizing.

-G

Hi.

My 14 year old self is probably shitting herself now. She was nuts about writing and she didn’t stop. The adult me (well, me NOW) doesn’t write as much but she’s taking time to go back to what she wants to do.

So, is this how people blog now? No. It wasn’t any different from when I first started. I’m glad the kind of gift I received from God’s showers of the blessings is versatile and so timeless, you can pick up from where you left off.

This is is how I’m starting again. I’ll make it raw. I’ll make it personal. I’ll do as much as I can to nurture this gift and unleash the passion I buried within the confines of terribly busy body.

Hope you enjoy this fun journey of rediscovery with me.

Banay

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