Author: brugudug

My life is based on a cool story, bro.

This ends here.

Growth is the best answer.

Almost 8 years and it has come to this fateful decision that I go and create a better life. I’ve had enough of this toxic environment and it’s always best to seek better opportunity to guess what- grow.

No matter how hard I try to make a difference here, I am nothing. Whatever success I bring here doesn’t matter.



New Year, New You?

2018’s 24 days have been hectic. I’ve been completely busy and I would usually slip and slide in terms of writing. Sometimes I’d open this and but nothing really comes out. In odd moments like sitting on an Uber suddenly gives me extra inspiration.

If only the brain can type these fun thoughts for you, right?

So yeah, I’ll get back soon.

Hold me accountable, please.

Floors down.

He wanted it. He wanted it so badly. It’s only 3am.

The next thing she knew, he was dragging her out. He was thirsty. He kept pressing the down button to make sure the elevator comes. She looked at him, confused, puzzled. She clutched him tightly as they alight the elevator and go a few floors down.

15th floor- definitely the darkest, definitely the most ~sinister~ at this hour.

They exit the elevator and headed to the fire exit stairs. They went one floor down just to be safe.

He unzipped his pants while she dropped to her knees. With every thrust, she moans. Her mouth, his hips sway to the rhythm of their heartbeat.

And then she dropped her pants and from behind he goes.











Break time is done.


Modesty is probably something I’ve incorporated to my daily wardrobe. I’m not the type who would really show skin or wear what’s fashionable (when I reached peak adulthood- I’ve pretty much kept it simple and basic with a little bit of color or something). My mom used to tell me to dress decently so I won’t attract unwanted attention. I mean, it’s been that way but the ill-minded still exist.

There are cat-callers, there are people who try to cop a feel in packed transportation systems, there are people who try to take photos of you without your permission, there are people who simply want to get in your private space.

I’ve had several encounters and honestly, these assholes don’t really care how you look or how you dress or how seemingly plain you look. They just do it. There aren’t really set factors on the victims’ part (we can’t just say she’s ~pretty~ that’s why she gets it every time) but there are definitely plenty on the predator (mental problem, weird fetish, weird urge, the list could go on). All the while I thought that modesty would protect me from such incidents. No. Never. Again, there are no set factors, the predators just do it.

From my point of view, it’s not bad to be modest and it’s not bad to be a little out there. There are always some people out to blame the victim when in fact, it’s really the predators who started it.

Whatever happened to self-control, discipline, to having moral values? It’s one of the most overlooked challenges society has today and definitely some of the things we need to focus first to remedy this shitty situation. People have gone as far as shaming other people for speaking their minds. People started spreading fake news. It’s hard to trust the world if the world- humans, nature, resources- is being harrassed by the people who live in it.

I still walk in my modest clothes, armed with my sharp tongue and cunning alertness whenever I walk the streets. It feels a little safe but not ~too~ safe. I’m ready to attack though.

Of children and more children.

I’ve been wanting to talk about this for some time but I never really had the time to make it. People have been asking me on a weekly basis but I can’t give a straight yet detailed answer. Today is your lucky day, curious friends. So here goes.

I’m 28 years old and some (if not, most) women my age are probably married and/or building their family and/or have (multiple) kids. Every now and then I go through my Facebook screen and see updates about peers going through this experience. Sure, there is a little pressure especially when you congratulate them for this milestone and they ask you when you’ll experience yours. Quite frankly, there’s just a teensy bit of envy but not really to the point of pressuring my partner to do the same. After all, I’m not the type to one- up and keep up with everyone around me. Also, I’m not married. I know it’s not a ~requirement ~ nowadays but I’m not that eager to reproduce just yet.

No- if you asked me when I plan to have children and I told you “in about 5 years”- I wasn’t joking. My boyfriend will tell you the same thing either. We have a lot of plans for us but the baby card won’t be laid down soon. It’s also worth noting that we’re focusing on the things that we can do now that we might not able to do once that responsibility comes. We’re all for adventures but not quite the family kind, yet. We’ll cross the bridge when we get there.

Before you shrug your shoulders and call me a hypocrite- for the record, I’m armed and I’m prepared. No matter what happens, by some divine miracle we’d be blessed with a child, I’ll be up for it.

For now, I can babysit your children, give them a little pinch in the cheek and shake their little baby hand. I’ll work on being an amazing aunt then transition to a cool mom, I guess.

It’s an honor and responsibility to be mother and that is one thing I don’t want to rush. My time will come and we’ll all wait and see how that unfolds.

Screw It.

That was such a fail-worthy title.

Lately, things have been so insatiable to me. Nothing is ever okay. Nothing is ever easy. Nothing has ever met the kind of bliss and peace of mind I’ve been craving for. I’ve had wins here and there but it’s just not enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for every little thing that made me smile these past couple of weeks. It just came to a point that I needed more of it. I demand it. I crave for it.

Travelling from work to home and vice-versa hasn’t been as smooth and as easy as I planned it. Every single time I plan to commute, something inconvenient would come about (heat, crowds, space). I mean, I’m pretty sure people would tell me to deal and get over it but still, I have yet to come to terms with this circumstance. I know people do it everyday but that doesn’t mean I have to do it too. Whiny? Yes. No one cares, really.

I’m just not crazy about the direction my life is headed to at the moment. I can’t say I’m spiraling down or going up but it’s as if I’m stuck in the middle, getting pulled in different directions.

Sometimes I think it’s sad that I have these episodes in my life where I feel like I’m so defeated in everything. Anxiety can be such a pain in the bum. I feel like a terrible person and a hypocrite- I say that we can all sail through all of life’s problems by being positive but I’m really, truly troubled inside. I can’t even face myself in the mirror and say great things about myself.

We’ve probably faced this dilemma once or twice in our life and it’s just us being human. I’d like to think being human got the best of me today.


Haaaaaaaaaaaaay. Life.


Coming to terms.

First week in the new house has been challenging. I haven’t really found a comfortable way home and I’ve been masking all this frustration with double shifts in the office.

Actually, I don’t mind going to 2 shifts in a day. Once I go home, I’m REALLY home and no amount of work can bother me. I’m just making it worth my time.

Going back, this hasn’t been a good week either. I’m in the middle of so many hiccups, it’s good enough to make someone quit. I’m doing my best to not falter nor have it consume me so much. People around me don’t have the same patience as I do so it’s not exactly a good, harmonious place.

People could say I need a rest but it’s not quite restful to have all your problems, all the work that people want you to do to interrupt you while you settle and fall asleep. This is part of adult life, I know, but nothing will progress if we render people restless. Passion can only do so much. You need to be motivated too.


Once in a while, you just want to put a stop to whatever it is you’re doing in the world.

I’m not usually this ~triggered~ but I just want to say that there are better ways to deal with this without dividing my body equally to everybody that demands for it. These are the times I feel most human, like I’m in the verge of just collapsing and not be of help to anyone, to anything. I have moments when I simply want to truly get away from it all.

It’s these moments I regret knowing many things as it gives people a reason to rely on me and not do anything on their end. Not being arrogant or hateful, I just don’t like it when I have to step in because people don’t know how to do anything around.

This is the very reason I’m struggling to delegate. I don’t exactly trust what people can do sometimes and I’ve had one too many heartbreaks.