For us.

Para Sa’yo, Gia.

Para Sa’tin, Gia.

That’s just one way for me to feel assured and feel confident you’d remember me there.


Of children and more children.

I’ve been wanting to talk about this for some time but I never really had the time to make it. People have been asking me on a weekly basis but I can’t give a straight yet detailed answer. Today is your lucky day, curious friends. So here goes.

I’m 28 years old and some (if not, most) women my age are probably married and/or building their family and/or have (multiple) kids. Every now and then I go through my Facebook screen and see updates about peers going through this experience. Sure, there is a little pressure especially when you congratulate them for this milestone and they ask you when you’ll experience yours. Quite frankly, there’s just a teensy bit of envy but not really to the point of pressuring my partner to do the same. After all, I’m not the type to one- up and keep up with everyone around me. Also, I’m not married. I know it’s not a ~requirement ~ nowadays but I’m not that eager to reproduce just yet.

No- if you asked me when I plan to have children and I told you “in about 5 years”- I wasn’t joking. My boyfriend will tell you the same thing either. We have a lot of plans for us but the baby card won’t be laid down soon. It’s also worth noting that we’re focusing on the things that we can do now that we might not able to do once that responsibility comes. We’re all for adventures but not quite the family kind, yet. We’ll cross the bridge when we get there.

Before you shrug your shoulders and call me a hypocrite- for the record, I’m armed and I’m prepared. No matter what happens, by some divine miracle we’d be blessed with a child, I’ll be up for it.

For now, I can babysit your children, give them a little pinch in the cheek and shake their little baby hand. I’ll work on being an amazing aunt then transition to a cool mom, I guess.

It’s an honor and responsibility to be mother and that is one thing I don’t want to rush. My time will come and we’ll all wait and see how that unfolds.


Homophobia. Such a suicide driver.

It’s a touchy subject but extremely relevant today. Many individuals struggle to be accepted and to be able to function without the prejudice of others. We can say there are many changes in terms of recognizing gender but there are still many people who can’t come to terms with it or have problems dealing it.

Homophobia can happen in little, subtle ways. For the record, I don’t know how, why, what exactly caused some people to have it. Some people I know say it’s from trauma (early experience of molestation, mostly), some just don’t have the proper education or some are just heavily influenced by the society, whether religion or community, they live in.

I’m all for gender expression and I don’t think it was ever violent nor destructive. In fact, in my eyes, I see it as an expression of love and all it’s manifestations- self, others, life itself and environment. Most of the people I know who identify themselves as members of the LGBT community are also some of the most creative, most loving and most open friends ever. I know for a fact we view things differently but for me, it doesn’t make sense that there are still people who look down on them, who feel disgusted and feel weird even when they did nothing wrong. Was it ever wrong to be yourself and to love people with “the same parts”? Does individuality ever come with conditions? Does loving have restrictions?

I had my share of gender identity crisis once upon a time. Growing up in an all-female school, it was impossible not to go through a phase of crushing on someone and hoping you’d start a relationship with them.

Christine, Elleni, Ellen, Ella, Kim, Nikki. Just some of the ladies and lesbians I love(d). I know there’s more but I simply can’t recall them. No, I won’t go into deep, crazy details but it’s safe to say that these crushes helped me grow my heart more, made me love unconditionally, made me feel more free. It is from this experience I’ve grown to be a more loving, more accepting person and that every time I struggle to find the love I seem to want at that time, I emerge as a stronger, loving person.

Love isn’t just between a man and a woman. Love doesn’t have to mean you’re also feeling lust for someone. Love isn’t a privilege. Love is certainly not marriage and love isn’t being with your partner for 923759056 million years.

Love is about connection, affection, care, growth. No one ever set the ground rules for love and loving and yet we condemn those who express it differently.

Going back to gender, it all goes back to loving- yourself (accepting and coming out, for one), others (accepting and respecting, not tolerating) and the environment (kill society’s close minded views with kindness, by showing we’re better than what society dictates). Many members of the LGBT community commit suicide because they feel no love or hope for love because society has been so selfish in showing genuine concern for them. Discrimination, harassment, pure violence is an everyday thing too.

And what’s worse is that, we witness it and sometimes we can’t just fight back because you know nothing will happen. In fact, it’s like trying to pry a steel door open and after you kick it and beat it, nothing really happens except hurting yourself in the process. That’s how arguing with a closed mind is like. They may have their own reasons (and yes, you have to respect that) but it’s a different when they resort to being disrespectful and violent.

Here’s my example- Our company is having our annual Queen of the Night, a gay and transgender pageant, to raise funds for our Red and Black Fund (employee aid). There are some male office mates I talked to that seemed uncomfortable about it. I mean, they’d snicker and make rude remarks like “Why does it have to be a gay pageant? We have many beautiful real women”. I get your point but this month is PRIDE month and the pageant has been one of the biggest fundraisers we have (Filipino gays have a penchant for beauty pageants and it’s really great that they are all very enthusiastic about it). Besides, we’re looking for someone who could show you that the so-called “other” gender you all seem to think, can make a difference too.

I wouldn’t waste my time arguing with those that don’t agree or support this campaign. Instead, I’d focus my time making it happen for all the queens who want to make a mark in this world by doing good, by giving their advocacy a chance to recognized and supported.

You see, love can also save lives. Love can give people chances to discover the good in themselves. Love can transform a community. Love can make one discover their special gifts.

With all that being said, is there a way homophobia could ever go away? Would there be any stop to this hatred society keeps tolerating?



I am distracted. I cannot work properly nor think properly without tearing up.

There are many things I shouldn’t be emotional about for some reason, I just can’t stop myself from crying after going through lots of letters from the past.

To be continued…

The Park.

This is where we built, nurtured and solidified the relationship.

It’s really a wonderful escape whenever we drag each other there just to talk for hours and hours and barely care if we have work that night. Most of the time, we just relax- we listen to what we both have to say and it creates connections.

And this is the very reason why every single day, I’m crazy about you. We never stop building connections to strengthen what we have. We always learn something new.

The park is, without a doubt, the best place for this. We are away from the prying, judgmental eyes and ears of petty people who waste their precious time minding our business. There’s always that sense of security in your broad, manly shoulders whenever we’re at the bench. We don’t mind the laughter of children running around the playground. The faint smell of grass, water, dirt and concrete is a sign we’re not just any where.

I used to go to the park when I’m feeling alone. I tread along the grass to find meaning in my seemingly senseless life back then. I would never look at anyone and fight my system so hard not to cry.

The park is a place I’ll never feel lonely anymore. Whether you’re with me or not, I’ll always feel loved because we made it our happy place, our own little sanctuary.


Originally posted on brugudug and bblbbg